Guri tek “Tomka dhe shokët e tij”: Shqipëria për ne është si një dro.gë që na mungon

Gjithkush nga brezat e para viteve ’90 në Shqipëri, e mban mend filmin “Tomka dhe shokët e tij” (1977) dhe “Agimet e stinës së madhe” (1981). Flurans Ilia, në rolin e Gurit, ishte fëmija më i vogël te “Tomka” dhe portreti i Gurit do të bëhej më tej ballina e librit të tij me tregime “Thembra e kujtesës” (Botimet Ideart, 2008). Kurse katër vjet më vonë, do të luajë në rolin e Gonit. Ai prej shumë vitesh jeton në Kanada, në hapësirën mes Amerikës Veriore dhe Evropës, ashtu si edhe titulli i libri të tij të fundit me poezi “Hapësirë midis dy notave” (Botimet Jozef, 2022). Letërsia e Fluransit mbart brenda saj një Shqipëri jazz, me nivele të shumta ritmi e improvizimi, forma ndërtimore komplekse dhe elementë ritualë.

Thonë se njerëzit që kanë fatin të lindin dhe të jetojnë qysh nga fëmijëria në qytete që spikasin për arkitekturën e tyre, siç është shembulli i Beratit, qytetit tuaj, ndihen në një farë mënyre të privilegjuar, sepse arkitektura ka një ndikim shumëpërmasor në mendjen dhe shpirtin e banorëve. Berati krahas arkitekturës, rrethohet edhe nga një natyrë shumë e bukur, në harmoni të plotë me urbanistikën e pjesës së vjetër të qytetit. Cila ka qenë lidhja juaj si krijues me qytetin tuaj të hershëm?

Besoj se çdo qytet në vetvete, sikur fëmijëria e çdo njeriu në veçanti, qoftë ky krijues apo jo, ka një ndikim parësor dhe fondamental në vijimësinë e jetës, formimin e karakterit, edukimin, dhe këndvështrimin se si gjërat ndërthuren më tej. Këtë e kuptova vonë, kur fati më hodhi për të jetuar qyteteve të tjera të botës. Vetëm atëherë e kuptova peshën e rëndesës që mbart qyteti i lindjes për njeriun. Në qytetin tim përpos hapave të parë, fillova të hedh në letër krijimet e hershme, të cilat i kisha mbledhur fshehtazi në ca fletore shkollore bukurshkrimi të viteve tetëdhjetë, duke i dhënë në mendje imazhin e një libri në tentativë.

Qëllonte shumë rrallë që këto fletore qarkullonin nën dorë në rrethin e ngushtë të shokëve, një pjesë e tyre krijues edhe ata vetë, të gjithë lexues të etur për libra. Për të ardhur te pyetja juaj, Berati për mua është përkatësi që e kam gjithmonë me vete, megjithëse u largova shumë i ri prej tij. Kur diçka të përket dhe i përket, jo vetëm si formë arkitekturore apo bukurie natyrore, ajo fillon e shndërrohet, merr formën e rrëfenjës së diçkaje intime në sferën njësore të shpirtit, me të cilën identifikohesh më tej. Më shfaqet papritur shpesh ndër ëndrra dhe ndihem shumë i vogël përballë tij.

Pas largimit nga Shqipëria dhe vendosjes përfundimtare në Kanada, keni pasur përvojë më të hershme emigracioni?

Mendoj se më ka ndodhur më e mira e mundshme për të njohur veten dhe mbërritur te ky njeri që jam sot. Në fillesë të vitit 1991 isha i hipur në një tren të shkallmuar pa dritare dhe ndenjëse për të shkuar drejt provimit të pranimit në degën e gjuhë-letërsisë. Ndihesha i turbullt nga e gjithë kjo situatë ankthi dhe në vend që të shkoja drejt shkollimit apo përshkallëzimit ku po shkonim, vendosa krejt papritur mos të zbres në atë stacion me moshatarët e mi, por të vazhdoj i vetëm më tej, me synim kapërcimin ilegalisht të kufirit. Kështu ndodhi. Ndihesha i uritur. Flokët e prera si bisht pëllumbi. Isha vetëm njëzet vjeç. Mora arratinë. Qëllova me fat. Shumë nga moshatarët tanë lanë jetën telave me gjemba për të provuar shijen e lirisë. Jo se për ne të tjerët liria e fort kërkuar aty për aty nuk erdhi pa pasoja. Por, fakti që jemi ende këtu pas tridhjetë viteve duke folur për këto tema, më rezulton si një ogur i mirë që demiurgu e paska taksur për dëshmitarë si puna ime, që jetojnë duke u rrëfyer nëpërmjet krijimit.

Athina më është dukur qyteti më vezullonjës në botë. Nuk kishim parë me sy kaq shumë drita, që të qëndronin të ndezura në një shtrirje hapësinore kaq të madhe. Sigurisht, kjo po ndodhte në një kohë kur pas vetes kishim lënë Tiranën pa drita dhe ende nuk kishim parë Nju Jorkun. Në Athinë nuk u shkëputa asnjëherë, pavarësisht punës rraskapitëse, nga avazi im i hershëm i leximit. E fillova me një lapsus linguistik që edhe sot kur e kujtoj shkulem së qeshuri. Çdo fundjavë fillova të lexoj greqisht një gazetë letrare, “To Vima tis Kyriakis” (Tribuna e së dielës). Kisha dëgjuar për të dhe isha i interesuar vetëm për këtë lloj leximi. Herën e parë, fillestar dhe copë me greqishten, drejtohem sefte te qoshku i gazetave dhe kërkoj “To Thima tis Kyriakis” (Viktimën e së dielës). Më thotë ajo zonja, që shiste gazeta:

– Nuk kemi ndonjë viktimë këtu, more bir!

– Si nuk keni, po kjo çfarë është, zonjë?!

– Aha, kjo është Tribuna së dielës, biro. Nëse do me të vërtetë ta blesh dhe lexosh do mësosh shumë prej saj, por ama kujdes me fjalën, një gërmë mund të bëjë hatanë.

Kështu fillova dhe përgjatë gjysmë dekade qëndrimi të hatashëm në Athinën e atyre viteve, ku shqiptarët kanë qenë të pa pajisur me dokumente, janë trajtuar në mënyrën më diskriminuese, munda të mbijetoj duke e shkëputur veten nga baltovina dhe mbajtur të pastër etikën time, duke u ushqyer vazhdimisht me kulturë dhe letërsi të shëndetshme. Të vetmen gjë për të cilën jam bërë pishman si qeni për atë kohë, ka qenë fakti se nuk kam shkruar asgjë. Ndihesha i thatë dhe i zhvendosur. Vendosa të largohem prej aty pasi i humba të gjitha kursimet në firmat piramidale të vitit 1997 në Shqipëri. Përmes një udhëtimi fantazmagorik nëpër Evropë vendosa të shkoj diku larg, sa më larg të jetë e mundur.

Çfarë ndodhi me ju, si njeri dhe artist, përgjatë këtij pelegrinazhi?

U gjenda në Kanada ku ndryshimi i klimës ishte drastik dhe i pa imagjinueshëm. Porsi klima, edhe filli i fatit. Kërkesa ime për azil politik u refuzua nga organet e emigracionit përgjatë dy viteve qëndrimi në Montreal, ku ndoqa dhe mbarova të gjitha nivelet e gjuhës frënge, vetëm e vetëm për të lexuar në origjinal autorët e mi të preferuar. Këtu fillova të shkruaj sërish. Përgjatë dimrit të stërzgjatur kanadez, për të mos u parë në pasqyrë, fillova të shoh drejt tregimit. Kësaj periudhe atmosferike i përkasin “Tamburi” dhe “Xhungla” tregime që më vonë do t’i përmblidhja në librin tim të parë me tregime “Baraka e kopshtit të mollëve” (Shtëpia Botuese Uegen, 2003). Por, mesa dukej kalvaret e endjeve të mia nuk u kishte ardhur ende fundi.

Fillimi i shekullit më gjen në Nju Jork dhe aty u ndesha për të parën herë në origjinal me “Uliksin” e Xhojsit. Amerika e lume, përpos retorikës së përditshmërisë së saj, është vendi ideal ku njeriu ndeshet me lirinë si koncept fondamental. Kjo falë poetëve dhe shkrimtarëve të saj. Ndërkohë nëna ime, se ku dreqin i kishte gjetur ato fletoret e mia me poezi në bibliotekën e shtëpisë, ku i kisha braktisur dhe nisi t’i botonte në Shqipërinë tashmë të largët për mua, sepse nuk isha kthyer asnjëherë aty dhe malli kuptohet bën të vetën. U ndjeva i befasuar. Më vjen ende turp për brishtësinë e vjershave të mia të adoleshencës botuar ndër ato vëllime. Por kështu ka ndodhur, gjersa një ditë ti nuk e ke më “ndjenjën e fajit” dhe vjen e bëhesh diçka e përafërt me metamorfozën e labirintit, në të cilin je futur pa kthim. Kësaj periudhe i përkasin tregimet “Mëngjesi i një dite të re” dhe “Rekuiem për kthimin e shpirtit”.

U detyrova të kthehem në Tiranë përgjatë viteve 2005-2008 për çështje dokumentesh. Tirana kishte ndryshuar, por ama jeta e nëndheshme e letërsisë shqipe të atyre viteve për mua ka pasur një ndikim masiv. E kam fjalën për ata personazhe të njohur të skenës letrare të atyre viteve, të cilët i kishim admiruar nga larg dhe po i takonim nga afër. Si ta them, po trokisja më në fund në shtëpinë time pa qenë realisht shtëpia ime. Rezultati i kësaj periudhe ishte libri im i dytë me tregime “Thembra e kujtesës” (Botimet Ideart, 2008). Po këtë vit u largova përfundimisht nga Shqipëria, tashmë jo si refugjat, por si emigrant me dokumente të rregullta për në Kanada.

Dikush që jeton në anën tjetër të oqeanit, shumë larg atdheut të tij të parë, qoftë në aspektin kulturor, qoftë në atë klimatik, si arrin ta mbajë marrëdhënien aktive me botën shqiptare?

Të jem i sinqertë, nuk është se jam ndonjë atdhetar i thekur me retorika të shquara të natyrës pedante. Secili, ka të drejtën të ndihet ashtu si ndihet, veç të jetë i lirë dhe i çliruar nga fjalët e tepërta. Unë e mbaj marrëdhënien aktive me botën shqiptare për hir të gjuhës shqipe, nëpërmjet fjalës së bukur, që jam munduar ta mbaj gjallë përmes botimeve, punës dhe bashkëpunimit të vazhdueshëm me shtypin, organet letrare dhe kulturore në vend. Kam mësuar dhe vazhdoj të edukohem në këtë drejtim.

Montreali ku jetoni është zemra e Kebekut, provincës me maxhoritet frankofon të Kanadasë. Për nga vet natyra, Kanadaja është vend borderline (kufijsh linearë) midis Anglisë së vjetër koloniale dhe Francës së vjetër koloniale. Nga ky këndvështrim Kanadaja është vendi i vetëm në botë, “produkt kulturor” i përplasjeve dhe bashkekzistencës mes botës anglofone dhe asaj frankofone. Si ka ndikuar kjo ngjyrësi në integrimin tuaj në jetën sociale dhe kulturore të vendit?

E para dhe më e rëndësishmja janë dy gjuhët, të cilat janë një pasuri e konsiderueshme e këtij vendi dhe e individit, që i zotëron ato. E them me zë të lartë ndër biseda me miq: “Ju nuk e perceptoni se çfarë pasurie është për një emigrant të ketë fatin të flasë njëkohësisht në dy gjuhët më të pasura të kulturës botërore.” Në këtë këndvështrim mendoj se e gjitha është një përzgjedhje, që çdokush duhet me patjetër ta bëjë pjesë integrale të tijën, nëse vërtet do që të integrohet në këtë vend. Është një kusht i domosdoshëm me të cilin kam rënë në paqe prej shumë vitesh, pavarësisht përplasjeve që kanë qenë të forta.

Çfarë ju pëlqen më shumë në Kebek? A është e ndryshme jeta nga ajo e një qyteti evropian?

Kebeku është kështjella e vetme evropiane e Amerikës së Veriut. Imagjino, moduli se si ekonomia e vendit lëviz, është krejt pjesë integrale e mentalitetit amerikan, veç me shije dhe manifestim kulturor evropian. Ndoshta tani që po e mendoj, prandaj edhe u vendosa këtu?! I pavetëdijshëm paskam dëshiruar një Evropë të vogël, mu në mesin e kësaj Amerike të madhe.

Në tregimin tuaj “Lufta e tretë e mamuthëve” (botuar te Revista letrare, verë 2022) lexuesi hyn në një botë primitive, që i ngjason imazhit që ka “njeriu i bardhë” për zonat ku jetojnë popullsi aborigjene. Sipas një raporti, një numër i madh njerëzish që jetojnë në Kebek, kanë si gjuhë nëne një gjuhë aborigjene. A keni miq apo të njohur aborigjenë? Mendoni se në mënyrë të nëndheshme jeni ndikuar nga kultura e tyre?

Nuk mund të them ndikuar, por ndajmë të njëjtin shqetësim për të gjithë këtë katrahurë të ndotjes së ambientit, filozofinë e njeriut në raport me Natyrën, materializmin e thatë versus spiritualizëm, asimilimin e tjetrit, etj. Ata të cilët “njeriu i bardhë” i ka quajtur “indianët e Amerikës”, kanë një zemër aq të madhe, sa vetëm kur je mes tyre kupton se bota aborigjene nuk është kjo e dukshmja, por gjallon shumë më thellë se kaq. Shtrirja e tyre në spiritualitet është më e hapët se sipërfaqësorja e jetëve tona të mbyllura në përditshmëri. Kam shkuar shpesh me ta në “rezervatet indiane” në Kanauogi dhe Oka. Dhe vlerësimi më i bukur që kam marrë prej njërit syresh, është: “Flo, ti e di që njeriu i bardhë na ka shkaktuar dhimbje, por ti je ndryshe këtu.” – dhe më trokiti lehtë me gisht në gjoks.

Një tregim mjaft i bukur, që ndahet në nën tregime është “Figurinat” (botuar së fundi në korrik 2023, në ExLibris). Për përshkrimin kaq autentik të mënyrës së funksionimit të marionetave dhe teatrit të kukullave ku jeni bazuar?

Kur isha gjimnazist, jam aktivizuar pranë teatrit të kukullave në Berat. Ngelet një nga pasionet e mia të hershme. Jam familjar me këtë lloj forme teatrale. Analogjia është e qartë. Doja të përshkruaja në një tregim të vetëm, si në një teatër kukullash, të gjithë periudhën e ashtuquajtur të “tranzicionit” me figurinat politike dhe sociale por ndryshe, në trajtën interpretuese, mu si në një teatër kukullash ku narratori nuk ka fytyrë.

Te libri juaj i fundit me poezi “Hapësirë midis dy notave” (Botimet Jozef, 2022) vitet e fëmijërisë dhe rinisë së hershme janë të pranishme gati në çdo poezi. Ndërkaq, veçova një poezi, pasi m’u duk ndër të paktat që lidhet me klimën e vendit ku jetoni. Po sjell një fragment të shkurtër:

Si në një ishull/ prania e njeriut/ i përngjan çudisë/ midis bishave dhe brigjeve/ çast violonçel/ borë e pashkelur/ fletë e bardhë

Të gjithë jemi qiraxhinj / mbi këtë tokë

(Shkëputur nga poezia Dalbania, (fq. 48). Çfarë konteksti ka shkronja D përpara albania? A ndiheni ende si “qiraxhi në tokën arktike”?

Dalbania është një trill i shpikur nga Xhejms Xhojsi, kur donte të përshkruante Dublinin. Nuk i njohim arsyet përse. Xhojsi ishte i interesuar për gjuhët e vetmuara dhe kishte mbledhur disa fjalë edhe në shqip ndër blloqet e veta me shënime. Dihet tashmë se te “Uliksi” i tij i famshëm, Dublini krijon ndjesinë e Itakës (por 24 orëshe ama). Duke shtrirë paralelizma midis atdheut ideal, Itakës, Shqipërisë, Dublinit të Uliksit, lojës së fjalëve të vet Xhojsit me termin Dalbania, historive të ikjeve të mia dhe ngjashmërisë me odisenë në fjalë, vendosa t’i jap këtë titull, për të gjitha këto arsye. Dhe po, jo vetëm aty, por kudo që të jem, jam një i përkohshëm mbi këtë vend. Nuk kam asnjë dyshim. Një qiraxhi me këmbët e ngulura fort mbi këtë tokë.

E njëjta poezi mbyllet me vargjet … “gjithkush/ duhet të mbartë brenda vetes/ pak Irlandë”.

Cilën Irlandë? Irlandën e James Joyce, Samuel Beckett, Oscar Wild, dhe dhjetëra poetëve që ky vend i ka dhënë njerëzimit? Irlandën e irlandezëve të parë që populluan Amerikën e Veriut? Apo Irlandën e temperaturave të lagështa dhe gjelbërimit?

Kjo është ajo që kam dashur të them, me pak kontekst poeti të ikur nga ishulli i vet. Ju e keni lexuar më mirë se unë, që jam munduar ta shkruaj këtë poezi dhe kjo, sinqerisht, më lumturon. Ju falënderoj nga zemra.

“Shqipëria për ne është / si një drogë që na mungon”, shkruani në poezinë “I huaji” (fq. 53) në tempovarkën tuaj te libri “Hapësirë midis dy notave”.

Çfarë ju mungon më shumë nga Shqipëria?

Të gjitha këto për të cilat folëm më sipër. Nëse do më duhej ta rinisja sërish udhëtimin tim, e them pa pikën e drojës, do ja nisja sërish nga Shqipëria.

Ajo çka vihet re përgjatë periudhave të ndryshme të krijimtarisë suaj është larmia e stileve letrare. Ju keni aftësinë të ndryshoni dhe të mos jeni i njëjti tregimtar nga një tregim në tjetrin. Cila është sfida e radhës për ju si krijues?

Është libri im më i ri me tregime dhe novela “Katër palë flatra” të cilin do mundohem ta nxjerr gjatë kohës së panairit të librit, në nëntor të këtij viti.

Intervistoi për ResPublica: Eleana Zhako

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